Folks, I lament to inform you that Broccoli has gone from bad to worse. He’s taken on the hard life of drugs, sex, and alcohol. He hurts cats to get his daily fix of puppy chow. And the latest reports say that he’s joined one of the meanest biker clubs in all of Monterrey. He’s drained our bank account and has dedicated his life to making his captors’ lives miserable. He is a bad, bad pooch.
After we dropped him off at his grandparents’, he began developing bad habits. He started jumping on couches and beds and refused to get off. His grandparents had to built forts around their things else Broccoli would be found lounging around the house in his underpants.
From footage taken with a hidden camera, we also know that Broccoli can’t stand the Monterrey heat. Walking around without pants has not been sufficient to keep him cool. Unfortunately, this has fueled his drinking problem, claiming that “it keeps me cool, bro.”
The good news is that his maternal grandparents have been trying to quell his bad behavior by taking him for long walks. Word is that that’s the only way to expel all that negative energy from the mischievous pooch. But good care only goes so far. Recently, he got into a bar fight with a couple of dogs. Words were exchanged. Shots were fired. Broccoli received multiple gunshot wounds to the head, but his incredibly thick skull blocked every single one. The shots were said to bounce and kill the other pups.
Broccoli was taken in on pupslaughter charges, but the judge found him not guilty as he said that “it’s not his fault that his skull is so thick.”
Not to worry. Broccoli has made a full recovery and he’s back to his daily mischief, which includes the total destruction of all fury toys remaining on this planet. He’s promised to rid the world of them all, one at a time.Broccoli, hang in there pal. Cooler weather is right around corner. I promise we’ll get you an ice cold six pack if you promise to behave for just a few more weeks…